Home Isn't (Engl 410)

I've decided to post up all of what I wrote for last summer's English 410 class. Much of it is controversial and there are some things which I no longer believe. Nonetheless, these are my writings in their entirety. Given the opportunity, they would be edited for months, but the opportunity doesn't present itself to me.

The first assignment was to write a paper about "Home" whether abstracted or about our actual, physical homes. This was largely experimental for me as I wrote about what Home is NOT to me. Feel free to critique it roundly, but I had a lot of fun with this.

[Sidenote: there was nearly a page of footnotes which I have included at the bottom for the references]



Home Isn't
Home isn't the comfort zone. It isn’t a high salary or the end of monetary woes. It isn’t being able to buy whatever you want. Home isn't the people we surround ourselves with, the clothes we wear, the pets we own, or the security some find in a Ph.D and tenure. It's not our wife; our parents; our job. No matter how glamorous any of these things are or appear to be, we all find ourselves craving more. more. More. MORE. It's as if there is something we are trying to achieve or some sort of standard we think we have to shoot for... but no matter what we do, it is always barely out of reach. Money. Fame. Possessions. Eventually, they all come crashing down. The money runs dry, the fame is temporal, and our things become outdated. They all fall down and the moths and rust [1] seem to come for all of it.

Is Home a house? Is living there for 20, 30, or 40 years what defines home? Does it change? We talk about our “homes” as if they are some permanent place of security where everything is right. We talk about our homes and how we can't wait to get back to them. Is everything in our home good, worthwhile and fair? Divorce often starts in our homes. And so does infidelity. People are even murdered in these secure fortresses. Are we free of pain and suffering in this suburban wasteland? Are we lost without these upscale gaudy tombs? Without them would we really be vagabonds – looking for place to call home? Or would we be lost at all? It's hard to be when there is nowhere to go. No where to look forward too and no where to feel nostalgic for. Surely there are long-lasting benefits to living in a home. Right? We get to live there and lay our heads there and feel safe.

But is that really what I want?

To drain the American economic system, to denounce social Darwinism but proclaim to the world that “These colors don't run!” all the while preparing myself for some life spent not knowing what it even means to follow you or take up my cross at all? To remain in this stifling free-market wonderland and practice this Pharisaic life – this persecution of those away from you, is that really what you want?

Driving downtown, the mountains split like an open invitation to go further – to go farther and leave this all this behind. The clouds are like seeds of some giant dandelion drifting slowly across the sky as the atmosphere burns blue behind them. Father, your handiwork is inescapable and I can't help but imagine... as I cross the Atlantic, aircraft carriers prepare for battle, ships dock, the blood at Normandy [2] silently shouts, “Is this really what we wanted?” while the church choir still rings in my ear - “this world is not my home, I'm just a stranger passing through.” Beneath the mist, I see the Mediterranean and a bit past the shore a car bomb goes off. I leave Gaza [3] behind. In the distance, I see the Jordan [4] – once buried. Near me is Golgotha [5] and closer, a tomb – twice buried. Then, Jerusalem. I see the ruins of Tyre [6] and Babylon [7] in the distance, nets spread out; never touched again. Alexander the Great wonders aloud, “What happened?” Sidon[8] flourishes, but it's people cry from the grave. As I float above it all, with my eyes focused on history and my heart focused on home, I struggle to keep my mind on the road. You left me with just these words, “I go to prepare a place for you... that where I am, there ye may be also.” I wish I could just get there already.

My brakes squeak as I pull into the nearly empty gravel lot and park my car. Sometimes its all just too much. With an exasperated sigh, I grab my things and prop open the door. The car shifts beneath me as I get out of it and prepare for another day waiting patiently for home.

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[Footnotes]

1. Reference to Jesus' words in Matthew 6:19, “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon the earth, where moth and rust consume, and where thieves break through and steal.”

2. During World War II, one of the major turning points in the war was the Allies' victory at the beaches of Normandy. It was also one of the most bloody battles of the whole war.

3. Palestinian city less than 40 miles southwest of Jerusalem.

4. River in the middle east located between Jordan and the West Bank. Jesus Christ was baptized in the waters of the Jordan by John the Baptist.

5. Hill in Jerusalem where Christ was said to be crucified. Literally, “The place of the skull.”

6. City in present day Lebanon mentioned in Ezekiel 26:19-21 which prophesied the city would be torn down and in Ezekiel 26:4-5, 12-14 that the city would be laid in the waters and fisherman would lay their nets across the top of her rocks. Historically, Nebuchanezzar destroyed the mainland city of Tyre and when Alexander the Great laid siege to it in 332 BC he used the remnants of mainland Tyre to reach the island of Tyre off the coast of Phoenicia. There are still nets laid on the rocks in the new city of Tyre to this day.

7. Ancient city in what is present day Iraq. Babylon was surrounded by gigantic thick walls. Jeremiah the prophet said, “The broad walls of Babylon shall be utterly broken... none shall remain in it, neither man nor beast, but that it shall be desolate for ever.” (Jeremiah 51:58, 62). In the 4th century Julian the Apostate destroyed the remaining walls.

8. In Ezekial 28:21-23, it describes how the city's inhabitants will be destroyed but the city itself will continue on. The city was sacked an incredible amount of times by multiple conquerors but is the third most populated city in Lebanon today.